22 posts tagged “lizzie”

Jesus, I just almost put an eye out.

Lizzie borrowed this pilates dvd from the store and told me I would be in BIG TROUBLE  if I lost the stretchy resistance band that came with it.

She didn't mention anything about snapping it in half.

But I can tell you right now, there was no way that sucker was going to stretch right up above my head, full arm span. And all of a sudden - SNAP - in the side of the head.

So now I'm deciding if I'll tell her, or just fold up the longest piece and put it back in the box. Which would be pretty funny because the next person who borrows it will think they're really weak and unflexible.

Today my baby is 17. I said to Daz, I guess we should stop treating her like she's 13, she's almost an adult. The years have flown by.

So what was going on 17 years ago that I remember. Well I was enormous because I'd put on 25 kilos, and I spent amost every day in a pair of green bib and brace overalls. I had a four year old and a two year old and we drove around in a 1964 Valiant station wagon that broke down so often the NRMA man showed me how to fix it myself. Lloyd wet his pants at playgroup, I left Kimba there, drove home to get him some clean ones, the car broke down and I sat down on the step and cried. Thats when I knew I was having going to have a baby that day.

Sure enough at 3am I woke up Daz and said lets go to the hospital. Then we stood on the front verandah and had a fight about what car we were going in. I refused to get in the Valiant. He wanted to go in the Valiant because his mother actually drove to the hospital to have him in that very same Valiant. Cheryl came out and said - for gods sake kids, just get in a car and go to hospital. We didn't go in the Valiant.

I don't have any photos of Lizzie now. She refuses to have her photo taken.

So here she is when she was little and sweet.

 

 

And here she is when she used to let me dress her up and take photos of her. God knows what the neighbours thought if they were looking over the fence.

 

 

And here's a sneaky one I got recently. Now she's sort of sweet and sour.

 

 

And here we have Jem and myself celebrating last night. I think we thought it was our birthday.

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIZZIE.

MWAH, MWAH

50 - 56

The foreshore on a lovely, I was going to say Spring morning, but its still winter. Ridiculous really, its already hot and I'm dreading summer. Except the bit when I'm in Thailand.

 

 

Me

 

 

Me again, with Lloyd - its not snowing

 

 

Creepy man who was staring at me. Like a stalker. But he had nice arms. Good for strangling small blondes I bet.

 

 

Beautiful daughter Kimba

 

 

Me again, and Lloyd again, and the cranky teenage girl who won't have her photo taken.

 

 

Betty's schnozzle. She's a funny girl. She's so used to me poking about with the camera she doesn't even move when I'm that close. At first she'd want to lick and jump and be stupid. But now she's lost interest in the whole thing.

 

I was laying on the bed on Sunday afternoon reading a book when Lizzie came in and said

I don't want you to freak out, and I don't want you to come and look, just tell me what would be the best thing to get nail polish off bathroom walls and floors.

Bloody hell I thought, there's no way I'd ever want to look at that.

Gumption maybe, Ajax, what about nail polish remover.

Ok, it involves a broken bottle as well.

Off she went and got to it. She was back about ten minutes later and said

Do we have an old toothbrush?

Yikes, I thought, that sounds bad, must be in the grout as well.

What colour is the nail polish?

Black.

of course

She walked past a bit later and said

good as new

It was only then that I was game to venture into the bathroom. Which did seem fine. Except for the overpowering fumes of nail polish remover.

And at least she was old enough to deal with her self. Unlike the time she set the bedroom carpet on fire when she was four. She tried to deal with that but when it got too complicated just decided the best thing would be to walk away from it and pretend it never happened.

We laugh about it now.

Lizzie is taking a course of antibiotics. She doesn't remember to take them unless I constantly nag her to do so. I was going to bed and knew she had one more to take before she went to bed so I put it on a plate and wrote on it Take Me and left it on the kitchen bench so she'd see it. But then I thought I'd better add not daz, because he was out watching the football, having a few drinks, and I thought he might come home and think I'd left him out an ecstasy pill, or something.

Not that I do that mind you. But you never know what goes through peoples minds after a few drinks.

 

Then Lloyd came home from football training and he said - that wasn't for me was it? Well why would it be I said - bloody hell, do I have to add your name to the nots as well. It's like an experiment - leave a pill on a plate, write take me, and see which fool does.

By the way I took this photo for the 365 group that Candy has started. You know the one where you have to take a photo every day for 365 days. It's bloody hard work and I'm only up to day 4. Especially for someone like myself who doesn't leave the house much. Expect to see a lot of sandwiches.

So there you go Raymond - not viagra.

Can anyone join the group Candy - or do you have to invite them?

I'm in shock.

One of my worst fears has been realised.

I am a grandmother.

Yes, my filthy little harlot of a sixteen year old daughter has a baby.

And she has called him Rodney!!!!!

RODNEY!!!!!!

Here he is. Noisy little dirtbag.

 

I think he's asthmatic.

Probably be up all night with him with breathing problems.

Yes, this little honey is living with us for the long weekend. All the girls who do childcare get a him or a her for a weekend in the hope that it will scare them away from ever having children.

It's worked for me already and he's only been here for four hours.

Lizzie told me I'd have to pick her up from school because she - can't carry him all the way home. So I went to get her, and rodney, and watched her struggle up to the car with him in a capsule, a backpack on her shoulder full of nappies and clothes and other baby essentials, her school bag and folders. She put him him the back seat, jammed him in the door, threw herself in the front seat and declared herself exhausted. I rolled my eyes and said - he hasn't even been activated yet!!

So at 4pm he was bought to life. Lizzie wears a bracelet and every time he cries she has to wave the bracelet under his sensor to show that she has tended to him and he hasn't just spent the weekend at the bottom of the laundry basket.

You have to try to feed him or change his nappy or rock him. And you have to hold his head up as well. And sometimes he might keep crying. For no reason at all. Imagine!! And he's not predictable either. He doesn't cry at a nice regular four hours or something. he just goes off randomly.

It is going to be very very strange waking up in the middle of the night to a crying baby. That hasn't happened around here for about 16 years. Something like that could really mess with my head.

But oh funny days. Joys of small town life. I'm sure the rumour that Lizzie has had a baby is already spreading around town like wildfire.

See Lizzie asked Daz if he'd drive her and her boyfriend and baby Rod to the pizza shop. So Daz was waiting in the driveway and one of our neighbours was walking by and he said she saw Lizzie walk out to the car with her boyfriend and this baby and that she almost fell over trying to get a good look.

Almost worth a couple of sleepless nights.

16 pink bottles sitting on the floor
16 pink bottles sitting on the floor
and if one teenage girl should accidently fall
then there's probably no more pink bottles sitting on the floor

I don't know why Lizzie feels the need to keep 16 bottles of black cherry vodka cruisers beside her bed. She tells me they belong to her boyfriend. I said - well wouldn't he want them in the fridge? But she said - nah,  he can drink them warm.

They look pretty - yet sickly.

 

I was on my way to a medical appointment with Lizzie recently and I said to her

Now we have to deal with that nasty bitch receptionist - and Lizzie said

She was only like that because you were acting like a crack whore, she was nice to me.

I wasn't acting like a crack whore, I was just feeling a bit vague.

See she was throwing to many numbers at me. That always does my head in. Dates, times, fees.

Anyway we settled in for the obligatory wait for the doctor. And then we heard the receptionist on the phone.

Did you try to call me?

Because someone called me, and I was on the other phone, so I missed the call and I was wondering if you called me.

Oh, ok then.

Bye.

Then ten seconds later

Did you try to call me?

Because someone called me, and I was on the other phone, so I missed the call and I was wondering if you called me.

Oh, ok then

Bye

I wondered if she was going to go through all her contacts to see who called her. Surely if it was important they'd ring back. Not that they'd be able to get through of course because she was hogging the line calling everyone.

I thought when I got home I'd prank call her a couple of times. Just to do her head in a bit. But I forgot because I was soon distracted by The Old Woman Who Wouldn't Shut Up.

After Lizzie went into the doctor I was left alone with the nasty receptionist so I went and sat outside. Just in case she gave me a quick maths quiz. And I sat in the only chair available. Then this old girl (about 75) came along and sat on the ground beside me. (I did offer her the chair). And she started talking. And she's one of those people that don't require you to talk back. As long as you say yes, no, really and chuckle every now and then, she's happy. So I heard all about her mother, her garden, her dogs, her husband and his five green ant bites experience, the soil in town and why there are no frosts at the hospital. And the thrush inside her throat. She told me she has two bits of skin at home that came from inside her throat that are THIS BIG (she held her thumb and finger in a circle about 2 inches in diameter). I didn't ask how she got them, where she keeps them or what she plans on doing with them. I was just glad she didn't have them in her handbag.

Then she scratched a sore on her leg and made it bleed. Thats when I decided I'd rather face the receptionist.

Ah dear. Things you do.

The other day, when I was still painting, I suddenly thought to myself, I can't wait to just sit down at my computer and mess around with some photos.

And today I finally had time. So here I am. lol, ain't I the pretty one. Thats what too many paint fumes does to you. Good lord, must get those grey roots touched up.

Well, even though I look..... interesting, I was pretty pleased with this. Going to do Lizzie next. She can't wait.

 

 

In fact looking at that, it's hard to believe I hatched these gorgeous creatures.

 

Aahhhhh.

It's never fun waking up in the middle of the night with a leg cramp. There's no gradual, gentle waking. One minute you're asleep, and the next second you're wide awake with this vice like grip on your leg. So you do a little lest and try to move your foot in the right direction to stretch it out. But one move in the wrong direction and you're stuffed. You're a goner. I had a shocker last night. Right in the calf muscle. And after it had released it's grip I tried to stand up to get a drink and every time I put that foot on the ground it just wanted to go again. This morning when I got up it felt as if someone had given my leg a good beating with a metal pole.

I didn't think I would be able to climb up and down a ladder all day so I thought I'd have to put off the painting.

I don't think I've complained about painting for a couple of days. So I'll do that now as well. Although I'm not really complaining because the end is in sight. I think I'll finish tomorrow. It's been a massive job. So I won't bother complaining, I'll just say that gripping a paintbrush for 5 or 6 hours every day for 5 weeks is not good for arthritic fingers. I think my pinkie is permanently paralysed into a curled position.

But the three bedrooms are looking spectacular. Lizzies in particular. She's just waiting on her blinds now and she's done. Photos coming when I can lift my arms to use the camera.

It looks much better than it did at this stage. When it was like this and she was in there laying on her matress she looked a bit like Cinderalla. Looked like we might lock her in there each night. Mind you, she could've put a sheet on. That would've looked much better.