22 posts tagged “daz”

Why does everyone wait until I'm on the treadmill before they decide they have to tell me something really important! 

Is it too much to ask for 50 minutes (in a row) to myself. Obviously yes.

This has been going on for fifteen years.

When the kids were little they'd give me about ten minutes alone before they'd turn up in the garage wanting to tell me something, or have a fight about something, or had hurt themselves on something.

And now its Daz.

This morning he roamed back and forth in front of me a few times so I was sure to see him. He blew his nose, spoke to the dog, bashed things about in the kitchen until finally I got off and said to him -

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT

Turns out he wanted a couple of invoices typed up. Now I'd just like to point out that we're talking 7.30am here. Thats the trouble with having a home office, people think you're on call 24/7.

I was really really cranky.

really cranky

What's one thing you can't say no to?

Lost dogs and kittens in pet shops.

I've had to ban myself from walking past pet shops. Once, within a few months we had four kittens. Big Man, Pumpy, Tossy and Marnie. Although Marnie came from the streets. Daz overheard some guys laughing about how they'd found this kitten and how they'd taken it out to the edge of town and tossed it into a paddock. So he went out there and searched for him and bought him home. We offered him to the neighbours but by the time they'd thought about it and decided they'd have him we couldn't give him up.

Then there was Carl. We stopped for breakfast one morning at Carlingford Shopping Centre and he ended up coming home with us.

Now they find me anyway. I currently feed two cats that aren't mine. There was another one we called Roger but I noticed he's living down the road now.

Lost dogs on the street seem to be happy to see me as well. And I can never just walk away from them. So I used to take them home. We had one stay for a weekend once until we found the owners. When I had the three little kids it was harder so then I just started ringing Daz and saying, there's a dog on so and so street, go get it.

Kimba is pretty soft as well when it comes to lost dogs and I think Daz actually abducts ones that aren't lost. Its not unusual to see him driving around with an unkown dog sitting up in the front seat of his truck. Because they love going for a drive don't they. Always look so happy going for a drive.

A couple of weeks ago he sent me a photo of two little dogs he had locked in his office. He'd even been to the butcher and bought them mince. They had tags with their phone number and address but no one was answering. So when it was time for Daz to come home he went around to their house, found the hole where they'd escaped and fixed it.

I think I can say no to just about anything else.

No way - its a giant freakin' rat.

And I just nearly trod on it on my way to the garage. The reason I almost trod on it was not because I didn't see it, because I did see it, but because I didn't have my glasses on, so what I saw was - a birds nest that must have fallen out of a tree. Then I got closer and no, its a tumbleweed type thing, with a bit of wire sticking out of it. Then just as I was about to bend to inspect it - holy shit, its a giant rat. A giant sick rat.

But hang on I thought, maybe its a little marsupial. Lost. Or sick. Ok, definitely sick. Poisoned by the look of it. So I rang Daz

where are you

at the workshop, why?

theres something you need to come and have a look at

ok

and probably kill

Because I didn't want Betty to get at it if it had been poisoned. Because it was big you know, so I figured fairly toxic. And I remember the vet saying something about cats getting sick if they ate poisoned mice.

So Daz turns up with JD for backup, and all I could picture was the scene from Me Myself and Irene where they tried to kill the cow.

So after we all agreed it wasn't a marsupial, and that even if it was, it was too far gone to help, we decided JD could put it out of its misery. And out of the yard. Anyway, we didn't want to turn up at the wildlife place only to be informed we had brought them a giant rat to save and release back into the wild. Because then we'd look like dickheads.

Its hard to tell from the photo how big he was. But you can get an idea from the thickness of his tail. And the feet - yikes look how long its toes are. Maybe its a bush rat.

Maybe thats whats been running around my ceiling for the past few months.

 

 

Lizzie is taking a course of antibiotics. She doesn't remember to take them unless I constantly nag her to do so. I was going to bed and knew she had one more to take before she went to bed so I put it on a plate and wrote on it Take Me and left it on the kitchen bench so she'd see it. But then I thought I'd better add not daz, because he was out watching the football, having a few drinks, and I thought he might come home and think I'd left him out an ecstasy pill, or something.

Not that I do that mind you. But you never know what goes through peoples minds after a few drinks.

 

Then Lloyd came home from football training and he said - that wasn't for me was it? Well why would it be I said - bloody hell, do I have to add your name to the nots as well. It's like an experiment - leave a pill on a plate, write take me, and see which fool does.

By the way I took this photo for the 365 group that Candy has started. You know the one where you have to take a photo every day for 365 days. It's bloody hard work and I'm only up to day 4. Especially for someone like myself who doesn't leave the house much. Expect to see a lot of sandwiches.

So there you go Raymond - not viagra.

Can anyone join the group Candy - or do you have to invite them?

On wednesday

Cat - Can you get the meatloaf out of the freezer?

Daz - ok

So as you can see it was a simple conversation. Not too confusing.

Last night I go to put the meatloaf in the oven for dinner.

No meatloaf.

There it is, still in the freezer.

Which was annoying.

But at least I didn't have to cook dinner.

a recent conversation with my husband

me - we have an ant problem

him - we don't have an ant problem

me - well I guess you won't mind sitting in this chair then

 

Today is our wedding anniversary.

Well, either today or the day before yesterday. We've never been really sure. The marriage certificate was lost years ago and we can't remember if it was the 20th or 22nd that we were married. But whats a day or two matter anyway after twenty years.

So here we are twenty years ago.

I was drugged to the eyeballs. I woke up that morning and my back had this huge seizure and I couldn't stand up straight. So I spent the morning in the doctors waiting room and asked him to give me enough drugs to get me upright and pain free for the next ten hours.

Poor Daz, looks a bit confused about the whole thing. He was pretty trashed by the end of the night. We stopped by our house on the way to the motel to get my dressing gown and a tin of milo and he saw one of the cats and was leaning out of the car door calling, Marnie, marnie, and the effort of it all made him throw up. When we got to the motel we opened the presents and put them in three piles. Possibles, probables, and what the fuck were they thinking.

 

 

Kimba got to come. She was almost one year old then. You have never seen a baby fed so much chocolate mud cake by so many different tables of drunk people in your life.

 

 

My good friend Bubbles made my dress for me. I picked a photo out of a magazine of one I liked and she made it for me. We'd been drinking champagne because we were testing a few to see which one would do to put on the tables. And she threw the material out on the floor and started cutting it. I said - shouldn't you have a pattern for that, and she was all - nah, it'll be right.

It sat on the floor in the wardrobe for a few years after that. The girls used to dress up in it. Then one day I found the cat having sex with it. I looked in and there he was with a big wad of it stuffed in his mouth, another big part of it wedged between his back legs, and his front paws pumping away. So I left it there for him to have as his comfort blankey until he died and then I threw it in the bin.

So twenty years passed by. Well, more than that really because we'd been together for a few years before that. Sounds like a long time, twenty years.Hell, that is a bloody long time. And I could have all that to do again, twice even.

 

Well I'm back, and I'm 45. Which actually doesn't feel much different than 44 did.

Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes - much appreciated.

I am only slightly sunburnt. That bit in the centre of your back that you can't reach. You sort of get sunburnt with scraggly finger marks on you.

We went with Jem and her crew because her husbands birthday is today and my husbands birthday is tomorrow, so we try to make a weekend out of it each year.

This is the beach we were at, it's good for kids. We were at the central coast (about an hours drive south of Sydney).

 

 

Now I know it looks like you have to swim half way to China to get some water past your knees, but when they take a couple of more steps they'll be in over their heads. Drops away very suddenly to deep water.

 

 

Here I am with Lloyd. Who has turned into some kind of camera slut. He just can't have enough photos taken of himself. A couple of Jems gang in the background.

 

 

Then we went to the pub for lunch. Where several people walked past and said - Do you own that little boy out there?

 

 

Thats Jems son,  he was wet and cold so we told him to go out and sit in the sun to warm up. But we were told that The Bar Staff said he couldn't sit there on his own. Well he wasn't really sitting, but we could see him and he wasn't running around. Actually the way she said it we thought she said The Master said he couldn't lie out there. But we went and joined him anyway.

 

 

Then I don't know what we did. But we went out for dinner that night at the Club. Here I am with Lizzie ready to roll.

 

 

And here is Lloyds pizza. It was called the Outback Meatlovers. But when I was reading the menu I thought it said Outback Leftovers. Thought it was some kind of roadkill diner we were in.

 

 

And to wash it down, some slushies. I think they were blue lagoon, margarita and fruit tingle. Mine was the margarita, I always try to go for the least colourful drink - not so sweet. They weren't bad actually, except there were a few brain freezes.

 

 

Then we ended the night on cake. 

 

 

The next night we had curry for dinner. Daz tried to be a smarty pants and ordered his curry extra hot. This is him when he was eating his dinner. After he went blind.

 

 

Kimba couldn't come with us this year. She had to stay home and look after Chicken Little. Seen here realxing upside down on the lounge.

 

So its out for dinner again tonight, then dinner party here tomorrow night, then we're all done and dusted for another year. 

What's the most complicated part of your life right now?

Living in one room of the house with four other people while the floors get done. With one King size bed in it.

I was laying in bed the other night and Lloyd was sitting on the bed playing X Box and Daz was sitting on the lounge playing Playstation on another tv and I said - thank god we never went on a family caravan holiday.

So I've kicked Daz out to live with Kimba and Lloyd has gone to live with Jem and Lizzie and I can live quite happily together in one room.

Chicken Little Update.

Yesterday Miss Little had a naughty day. She fished a used tampon out of the bin for closer examination, she was caught licking Kimba's retainer, and she ran away.

She ran away while Daz was walking her. He said she slipped the harness and bolted. And he said she kept looking back at him then running away faster. He said the only way he caught her was to yell out to a girl up ahead in her front yard to call Chicken (because she loves meeting people). So the girl helped Daz catch Chicken, then the girl remarked to Daz that his face was an alarming shade of purple.

Chicken has been fitted for a smaller harness.

Daz thinks he now knows how Chicken Little may have ended up lost and at the pound.

 

Look what I just found in the paper. Fresh from the Paris fashion shows.

Daz has a birthday coming up soon. He'd have to be happy if I picked up one of these outfits for him wouldn't he?

Of course the hat could be a problem. What with his sinus problems and constant need to blow his nose. And he wouldn't be able to eat an apple or anything while he was wearing it.

But once you got home from a night out you just have to take off the jacket and you're ready for bed.

And I bet he'd be the talk of the town.

According to the paper these outfits - wowed the audiences.

I think I'm missing something.